I know someone whose best friend ‘stole’ her husband. She was married, but a divorce ensued; yet she had children with that man. She vented, “You’d rather know that your husband is dead — than seeing him exist with another woman.”
My heart pained for her. I can’t say I ‘understand’ what she’s going through. But we all at some point have to obey or carry through what Jesus asked of us, if we really love Him:
Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
We ourselves pray that; but do we mean it?
Of course it is said that forgiveness helps us the offended, and not necessarily the other person. That doesn’t seem justifying enough to me. So I’d say, we must forgive simply because our nature is love. Our Father in Heaven is love, and love does not take any account of the evil done to it, it suffers long, and bears all things as 1 Corinthians 13 states.
You see, most times we claim the exciting parts of the Bible, and tend to play dodgeball with the ‘unpretty’ parts. 2 Corinthians 3:18 states that we with unveiled face because we continue to behold the word of God as in a mirror, the glory of God, are constantly being transformed into His very own image…
Part of God’s image and glory is forgiveness; for it comes with Him, just like holiness is part of His image and glory. We can’t then ignore that characteristic, and pay attention to only what we want.
In the same way, God won’t only pay attention to what you want, but refine you to be as He is in all things — and not just in the things that make you dance; such as ‘riches or blessings.’ For if we are glorified like Him, then we must be persecuted and broken like Him. If we share in His glory, we must share in His suffering equally.
He loved those that spat at Him. He loved those that denied Him. We must as well come to this place; and He doesn’t wish that we come to it strivingly but effortlessly. Occasionally, He nudges us to forgive; to let go. We think we are bewitched, but no, our unforgiveness has kept us in bondage. We must obey Him in all things — not only in giving tithes only, but loving our neighbors as we love ourselves.
Forgiveness to us is easy because we are not doing it alone. We were crucified with Christ and it’s Him that lives in us. Thus it should be a-bit easier for us than one without Christ. Since He forgave us and those who spat at Him, He understands, and He’ll quicken us.
Forgiveness again should be easy, because it is DUE. It is due like our tithes! It is due like taxes or honor or revenue as Paul said in Romans 13:7. Sometimes, my finances may not be as bright as the morning sun, but I have practiced tithing long enough not to compromise once I earn. That is the meaning of ‘due.’
In the same regard, existing with human beings positions us to be offended time to time, but the more we practice forgiveness, the more it’ll be harder for us to hold grudges.
However, I stand to warn, that just like we progressively earn bigger, and our tithes have to increase, the things we must forgive aggrandize as well. As kids, we had to forgive friends for stealing our pens and shirts! But as we grow, we must learn to forgive colleagues and monsters for stealing our girlfriends and boyfriends and spouses, and … and for breaking our hearts! Ahhh!
The good news is: Jesus needed to forgive the most, and whatever we go through, we might never need to forgive as much as He did. Having forgiven more, He understands the manner of impossibilities we must forgive, and He will ENABLE us — if we let Him. The Holy Spirit — with time — will enable us to conquer this. He’s the helper suitable, with us till the end of age.
One litmus paper check I have found to prove forgiveness is being able to face one’s offender face to face, sustain a simple conversation, be in the same space with them for quite a while and yet be at peace. I personally believe in ‘forgive and forget’ as our God Himself cast our sins in the sea of forgetfulness; however, most of us may not forget right away (which is okay), and personally I am still believing for that sea. Regardless, I have found, that the acts may not be forgotten, but the way they made us feel (whether betrayed, shattered, useless)— could be. That’s a good start.
Some people may never even know that they broke your heart! That’s why forgiveness is dependent on you. You might hold bitterness towards them, and some might be too proud to admit or even listen if you ever tell them. The ball rolls back to your corner. Shall you be red all your life over that? No! His kingdom is a whole third made of joy. We must deal with this so that it doesn’t get in the way.
This is all a hard pill to swallow. I know. But such are testings that come to mature us into His image. He has constantly said ‘love your enemies.’ We shall nod our heads until it’s time to prove it! We shall nod our heads until the people we loved suddenly switch to be our ‘enemies’! C.S. Lewis said forgiveness is all a fun and good idea until it’s your turn to forgive.
Shall you?
I find it easy if you surrender.
In madness we rush to block them. We delete their numbers! We are entitled! They hurt us… But we could as well be the ones that hurt others. So if we can’t forgive them, the golden rule won’t reciprocate to us. But if we do unto others what we’d like them to do to us; we shall be forgiven, when we wrong others. The golden rule or law will ensure of that. Speaking of reciprocity has made me just realize that; perhaps . . . perhaps we have failed to be forgiven by some people because we have refused to forgive a particular others.
“Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” Matthew 5:23-24
Back to the madness: we block, delete pictures, break glasses — and yes it’s normal for those of the world to do so, but christians have lately adopted such reactions to heartbreaks. They yell out loudly curses; “You will die! Your new marriage won’t work!” and oops — some go way down to witchcraft street, choosing to mute all divine counsel! They go to Balaam to help them curse Israel; ahhh! Friends, we must forgive. We must let love.
And like the parable of the seed, the word shall be tested. If you say you forgave, O dear Joseph, when you become Prime Minister, you’ll be shocked at the number of times the thought of punishing Potiphar’s wife might cross your mind; after all, you’re the second greatest man on earth currently.
You can see that Joseph tried to stage a robbery by placing a silver cup in his brothers’ belongings so that they’d be accused. He was at the brink of revenge — and would have carried through, if he did not realize that all the hurt & evil that befell him turned for his good.
Unless we have such a view, it’ll be hard to forgive. If Potiphar didn’t send Joseph to prison, he’d not have met the pharaoh’s cupbearer nor interpreted his dream. When Pharaoh dreamt, guess who the cupbearer remembered?
As constant, I always encourage all of us to have the same attitude towards all the evil done: that it’ll work for our good, somehow. Even if we delete and block, we must face it! If we don’t forgive now (or if we say we have), we might randomly find ourselves in (for example) a career opportunity, and yes our ‘enemy’ could be there — at the interview!Foolishly, some of us may end up walking away from an opportunity of a lifetime, rather than work with the ‘devil’s agent!’ You’d have blocked them on social media, but they are not blocked or dead physically. You must let His Spirit work in you to avoid an awkward situation that might cause a scene or dire remorse . . .
Having said all that, there’s one last minor topic within this. Forgiving oneself. A quote I read said Jesus forgave Judas. But Judas did not forgive Judas! And so, he took his life. When roles change and we find ourselves in the position of the offender, it gets totally hard — outrageously and extremely!
I imagine Paul, after killing all those believers; and now he’s one of them now. The devil, on top of all the voices around, reminded him of his evil deeds. No wonder he confesses being a chief sinner at some point in his letters. But if he didn’t forgive himself as God forgave him, he might not have done such great exploits as he did.
So, extend grace to yourself and refuse any condemnation, if you are the one that aborted, or raped, or fornicated, or slandered someone. Whether the victim forgave you, or not, may you receive forgiveness from God. Lift your head up. You’re now wiser and sorry. Be forgiven! And, go sin no more!
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Matthew 18: 21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’
Luke 6:37 Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
John 8:10-11 “When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.””
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Good people sin when yearning’s unspoken
You broke my heart, broke my heart
But it’s still beating…
Song dedication: I Forgive You by Sia
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